Chocolate Meatball

Tags

Anorexia, chocolate, chocolate chips, Cooking, dinner, Food, Grocery store, happy, laugh, Meatball, meatballs, moody, music, snacks

My daughter has been having an extremely rough couple of days with her anorexic thoughts.  Although last night she managed to have a wonderful night at an event All Children’s Hospital held, “An Evening Under the Stars.”  It was amazing!!  She brought her BFF and had so much fun dancing the night away.  Her BFF slept over and we all went to a doggy in the park day today.  On our way back she expressed how she didn’t want company anymore and told her friend, “Sorry i’m cranky and i want you to go home.”  LOL  I was shocked, but proud that she had the guts to tell her friend how she felt. I have noticed the past couple of days she has been sad, aggressive, and withdrawn.  I stayed quite because i have learned that asking her just increases her anger.  I wait for her to say something to me. It has to be the right time for her.  I make sure to have plenty of moments alone with her to give her that opportunity.

Tomorrow is back to school time. Back to her snack at the nurses station.  Last blog i explained how she refused to eat her snack so i refused to send her to school.  She made a comment that she couldn’t wait to go back to school.  Hmm..perfect opportunity to talk about her snacks for the week. We went to the grocery store to pick up dinner so i had her pick out a few snacks.  She wasn’t very happy about it but did so with not much of a hassle. I went and got the meat i needed to make meatballs, and picked out a few other things and we came home.  While we were putting away the groceries i could see the big mean tight lipped look on her face.  I went and turned on some music and started singing to the baby (her brother 4 mo) and out loud.  I don’t know how a country station got tuned on but i went with it.  She turned around and said, “I hate country!” I told her i did to so lets change it.  We did and it worked a little i could see her moving to the beat and her tight lips loosened a bit.  I called to my husband to come get the baby so i could focus on time with her.  We began making the meatballs and she was very brisk about every word she said.  When she asked how big i wanted the meatballs i almost felt like i would be in trouble if i answered her. She sounded like a drill sergeant.  I simply said lets make them small.  At this point i was trying to think of something to lighten the mood so i suggested we put chocolate chips in one meatball and make it slightly bigger than the rest.  Right away her eyes lit up and she had the biggest smile.  She opened the cabinet and asked if i wanted big chips or small ones…lol  We couldn’t wait to see who was going to end up with the CHOCOLATE MEATBALL.  Would it be sister, older brother, or dad??   Just when i thought i had her in a better mood she turns around and shouts, OMG, the table isn’t even cleared off yet!  I said that’s ok, it will give us an excuse to eat outside tonight.  Her mood went right back to happy again. : )  She loves eating outside.  She was in a better mood i could tell, but she doesn’t like to show it or should i say ‘give in.’  Even that is a control thing for her.  Showing she is happy is somehow forbidden at times.  I could tell she was happier though.  I know her well.

We all sat down and started to put pasta and meatballs on our plates.  Her and I were looking at each other with the biggest smirks trying not to laugh.  We watched as her brother grabbed the biggest meatball and cut it open.  Right away he yells, what in the world is that!  Who put chocolate in the meatballs!?!?!  LOL  We all had a good laugh.  It was nice to see her smile even if it was only briefly.

Her dinner consisted of salad with grapes.  I believe her tight lipped anger was from her being hungry and her anorexic thoughts not allowing her to eat the foods she wanted to eat.  I don’t believe starving herself is as easy as it seems.  I think its extremely difficult.

Later i asked her if she wanted to take the dogs for a walk with me and she did.  While we were on our walk she opened up and expressed how difficult things have been for her.  Her anorexic thoughts have been tormenting her.

I always know when she needs to talk.  I always give plenty of opportunities for her to open up.

I’m far from being a counselor, but i’m close enough to listen.

Having An Anorexic Day

Tags

Anorexia, Anorexia nervosa, Body weight, breaking the rules, Calorie, Eating, Homeschooling, OK!, rule breaker, scale, Tums, weigh

I say having an Anorexic day because the feeling of my daughters disorder is felt more on some days than others.  Some days i can cope and other days the anxiety is extreme.

During the summer Giavonna seemed to be doing well.  Of coarse she had Anorexia but she was managing it.  She got really good at maintaining a body weight SHE was comfortable with.  She managed to stay out of the hospital for 3 months.  Partly because i would do weight checks every now and then and let her see it.  I know, I know, certainly not what i am SUPPOSED TO DO, but guess what it kept her from dropping to that magically low number that would require another hospital stay. So i guess you can say it worked in helping us manage it.  Manage what really?  A low weight? Yep!!!  But it was better than a hospital trip every other week for an extremely low weight and Bradycardia.  I know letting her see her weight goes against all of the RULES, but it worked until school started.  It was then that she stopped eating lunch.  Then her breakfast before school got smaller.  Her school day is 8 to 5.  Ok, so what do i do now?  I told her if she wanted to stay in school she would have to go to the nurses station and eat an approximate 250 cal snack at 11am and another at 2pm.  Going all day with nothing to eat WAS NOT AN OPTION.  Okay, so yes, damn for counting calories right?  Well her idea of a snack was a bag of gummys or a fig newton cookie.  If she cant make logical decisions, she knows i will be making them for her.  Besides, she counts calories all day long anyway.  She even knows the calorie content in one Tums.  Its all no surprise.  I told her if she didn’t come up with the snacks that she desired i would make the decision for her and i wouldn’t repeat myself over and over.  Make the choice, it is what it is!  If she couldnt make a choice then she would be drinking two ensure drinks.  Well it came down to the ensure drinks.  It went smoothly for a day or two then her bargaining started.  Well if i eat breakfast can i take out one ensure drink.  Sure!!  Ok, lets do that!!  That went smooth for a week until the bargaining started again.  Now instead of an insure drink she wanted to bring food.  OK! Sure, we can do that!  That went good for a couple days.  Now breakfast is too much along with snacks and she wants to eliminate snacks all together and just eat something when she gets home.  This is where the bargaining stops.  TODAY, she said i will not be eating a snack, i’m just not doing it.  i said ok, then your just not going to school.  So thats where we are right now.  She is refusing to eat snacks and lunch at school so i’m refusing to send her.  I’m done bargaining.  She needs to make a choice of whats more important.  The anorexic voice or being at school with her friends.  I can’t give in to everything.  I don’t care if she fails the entire year, or has to do home-school, i will not sit back and say its okay for you to go to school and starve yourself all day.  She will not return to school unless she agrees to at least eating snacks.

Darned if i do and Darned if i dont

Tags

Anorexia, Anorexic child, confused, eating disorders, Force-feeding, lost, Nutrition, parent of an anorexic child, questions, support

Living with an Anorexic child is like living in a darned if you do and darned if you don’t world.  I’m darned if i ask her what she is going to eat for dinner today, but darned if i don’t ask her.  If I ask I’m bothering her and if i don’t ask she says i don’t care about her anymore.  Sometimes when she says I’m not eating dinner tonight i simply say OK.  I think I’ve learned by now there is nothing i can say to change her mind and i certainly can’t force feed her.  So why argue about it? Am i right by just saying OK and going about my business or does it deserve another long conversation as to why she should eat?  Support??  How do i do that?

My Anorexic Child

Tags

Anorexia, Anorexia nervosa, anorexia video, Anorexic child, chicky, chickys chance, Dieting, Disorders, Eating disorder, Giavonna, Health, Mental Health, video, Weight loss

Paste a Video URLhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMSNey6K5AQ

My 12 year old daughter has been battling anorexia since June 2012. Hospitalized 7x with a total of 114 days spent in the hospital. This is no way for a 12 year old to live. This video is the sadness of anorexia.